Mixed-Blood in a Gender Role Reversed World - Chapter 42
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Chapter 42 : Regret (1)
"Are you… okay?"
I carefully touched Mina’s reddened forehead. I thought I had controlled my strength, but seeing how red it was, it must have hurt quite a bit.
"Y-You can stop now! I’m a girl too, you know, I have my pride…"
Mina gently pushed away the hand touching her forehead.
Seeing her sulky expression, it seemed she was quite upset. Probably because she lost to a guy.
Honestly, it’s only natural. Even if my strength doesn’t match Mina’s, I’ve got experience on my side years of it. Still, seeing her still full of energy reassured me that she was doing better than I thought.
As the two of us were bickering playfully, Sia’s voice, laced with clear displeasure, cut through.
"Alright, shall we have a talk now, Ryu Sehwa?"
Perhaps it was the unusually low tone of Sia’s voice that scared her, but Mina’s body stiffened. I dropped the smile I had for Mina and turned to face Sia.
"We should."
I could tell Sia was angrier than I expected. Her expressionless face somehow carried a sense of betrayal and disappointment.
But something was off.
Why did it feel like her eyes were smiling? Like someone who’d been freed from guilt? It’s hard to describe, but the metaphor felt strangely fitting.
I wasn’t particularly curious about the reason, so I turned my gaze away from Sia. After locking eyes with Mina, I followed Sia, who was already walking ahead.
---
As we left the academy, the faint sunlight that had lit up the streets earlier was gone, replaced by thick darkness.
We walked a bit and stopped under the neon sign of some nameless shop.
Under the blue glow of the neon sign, Sia spoke.
"Mina, you can go now. I have some business with Sehwa."
"Uh, unnie… you’re not going to scold Se-hwa, are you? I mean, I did get hit a lot, but… that’d be really embarrassing for me."
A shadow fell over Mina’s face, and Sia glanced at me before continuing.
"No, if you’re embarrassed about losing to a guy, don’t be. I lost to Se-hwa once too. Besides, it was a ‘fair’ sparring match, so there’s no reason to scold him. Don’t worry and go."
"…Okay."
Mina reluctantly dragged her feet. Even as she walked backward, her blue eyes stayed fixed on me. The lingering attachment in them was so clear it made my heart uneasy, and I turned my head away.
"Take care. Ice your forehead in case it swells."
"Yeah! See you later!"
At least she’s still so bright… that’s a relief.
Watching Mina wave as she left, the emotions I’d been suppressing started to seep out.
Even though it was just sparring no, even if it was disguised as sparring I hit a girl. I hit Mina.
And the trauma I thought I’d forgotten about? It wasn’t gone.
Those feelings tangled like a ball of yarn and showed plainly on my face. I could tell without looking.
"Why that face? Weren’t you satisfied enough?"
"…Satisfied?"
It felt like Sia knew everything I’d done under the guise of sparring. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be looking at me with such cold eyes. But one thing didn’t make sense satisfied? That wasn’t the right word to use here.
I narrowed my eyes slightly and asked, "I don’t understand why you’d say that. If there’s a misunderstanding, please ask me first before judging."
"Fine. Mina’s like a little sister to me. Just so you know."
I know. Otherwise, why would we be standing here like this? I nodded silently.
"I also know you’re not an ordinary guy. But as far as I know, Mina’s never done martial arts."
"I know."
"…You knew?"
Sia’s eyes widened.
The fierce glare she shot me, despite me being a guy, would’ve made most men tremble.
"Knowing that, you still put her in the ring and toyed with her like that? Did you want to show off to everyone around that a guy could beat a girl, to feel some kind of satisfaction?"
Her suppressed but rough words made it clear why she used the word “satisfied.”
It felt unfair. Sure, it was understandable for her to misunderstand, and she was free to assume, but for me to hear this?
The calm I’d maintained started to boil over. My voice came out sharper as it slipped through my lips.
"…I’ll say this clearly: that’s absolutely not true. I had my reasons."
"Reasons that required crushing a girl’s pride? I don’t know if you realize what you did. They don’t teach this kind of thing in Russia."
"I did it intentionally. To make Mina lose interest in this."
"Why? Because teaching her was too much of a hassle? I don’t believe that. She was singing your praises earlier, saying she wanted to protect you. But that bright girl’s expression kept darkening. Sehwa, even if she’s a girl, she’s not immune to feelings."
Sia’s composed voice scolded me.
As the misunderstanding deepened, I tried to explain step by step, but Sia was faster.
"Mina probably knew. That you were trying to push her away on purpose. And… her eyes were red. You probably didn’t notice since she pulled herself together before leaving the locker room."
"…What?"
I thought she was fine when we parted. But it was all an act her tone, her gestures, everything.
I thought I was guiding her in a good direction. The process was rough, but I hoped she wouldn’t get hurt.
Yet, she did. My injured shoulder throbbed. I thought I’d left those scars behind, but they were still there.
It’s always like this. Someone always gets hurt because of my decisions and actions.
Instead of the woman I saved, I ended up bearing the pain. And to forget that pain, I took it out on my parents.
My life is clearly messed up. Everything I touch turns to chaos.
"…Really."
"What?"
My chest ached. It felt like nothing ever ended well when I approached with good intentions. Everything felt unfair.
A bitter smile crept onto my usually composed face.
"Why are you suddenly…"
"Protect me? Did I ever ask for that kind of help? That’s why I did it. So she wouldn’t waste her energy on something useless and focus on her studies instead."
The nightmares buried in the corner of my heart flooded back.
Sia’s pupils shook, perhaps startled by the cold shift in my voice, which had been so gentle before.
"…But you didn’t have to go that far. It was for your own good… no, out of concern for a friend…"
"I’ve been fine on my own without that kind of thing. And don’t you think focusing on studies is better for Mina than learning some dangerous martial art that could get her hurt?"
I took a step closer, looking down at Sia.
As I stared into her dark eyes without wavering, a slightly unfamiliar version of myself flickered in them.
"…I understand what you’re saying. But the way you chose was a bit harsh."
"Do you think I feel good about it? I’m sorry to Mina, but I’d do it again if I had to."
With my final words, Sia fell silent. I didn’t say anything more either.
My rough breathing finally steadied, and I let out a long sigh.
"Sorry, team leader. I got a bit heated and spoke harshly."
"No, no. I’m sorry too for misunderstanding."
When I apologized first, Sia, slightly flustered, waved her hands.
I was relieved. Sia wasn’t the type to be stubborn or unreasonable.
I bowed my head and said I’d head out first. Just as Sia was about to respond, she noticed something and widened her eyes.
"Wait."
As I turned to leave, Sia grabbed my right arm and stared intently at my bandaged hand.
(Did she just notice now? Well, earlier my hand was wrapped with straps, so she probably didn’t see…)
Thanks to clenching my fist tightly at school, blood had seeped into the white bandage.
Of course, as my employer, it made sense for her to worry about her employee, but her gaze was starting to feel heavy.
"How did this happen?"
"Uh… I got into a little fight and got slightly cut. It’s not a big deal, so don’t worry."
"…This isn’t a big deal?"
Sia carefully lifted my hand, pointing at the bloodstained bandage. I nodded nonchalantly.
Her eyes, filled with something like pity or sympathy, met mine.
(I hate that look)
From her perspective, it made sense, but that didn’t make it any less burdensome.
I gently pulled my hand away, and Sia muttered,
"…Is this why Mina did that?"
"Yeah. I’m fine, but she still…"
Seeing her dumbfounded expression, it seemed Mina hadn’t told her the reason.
Sia shook her head and said,
"Pushing yourself in this state… I don’t understand why you went so far to push Mina away. I get what you said, but honestly, if a girl does that much for you, wouldn’t most guys be touched?"
I had a gut feeling this was her final question. But I couldn’t answer easily.
I couldn’t exactly say it was because of what I went through in my past life.
Nor could I say that, as a “real man,” I’d be embarrassed to death if a girl did that for me.
Lost in those thoughts, my expression naturally darkened.
"…Sorry. You don’t have to answer if it’s hard."
Sia quickly retracted her words, which made me flustered. No, it wasn’t like that.
I gathered my thoughts, looked at Sia, and shook my head before speaking.
"It’s not that. I just didn’t want Mina to get hurt because of me. This sport is dangerous."
"Hm… Still, you should know this. Mina’s intentions were purely out of kindness, with no ulterior motives…"
"I know."
Sia’s eyes held a hint of doubt at my words, but I continued regardless.
"When someone has those kinds of feelings, someone always ends up getting hurt either me or the other person. I didn’t want that."
(Because that’s how it was in my past life.) Nothing good ever came from approaching with good intentions.
There was no need to drag Mina into my already cursed life.
And honestly, I felt a bit bad for talking so bluntly to my boss, so I spoke a bit more pitifully to soften it.
If someone held a grudge after I went this far, they’d have to be a cold-blooded monster with no tears or compassion.
After my words, Sia’s expression became a complex mix of emotions, hard to describe.
Wondering if I’d done okay, I tilted my head slightly but soon said my goodbyes.
"I’ll head out now, team leader. I’ll see you in two days."
Sia, seemingly lost in thought, nodded blankly. I left the spot and headed toward a nearby alley.
I desperately needed a cigarette.
Finally finding an empty alley, I stepped in with a slightly lighter gait and pulled out my cigarette pack.
"Damn… shit."
I irritably put the last cigarette in my mouth and threw the empty pack toward a pile of garbage bags nearby.
*Click, click!*
The flint sparked a few times, and the cigarette lit up. Following the curling smoke, I looked up at the night sky.
And Sia watched Sehwa’s figure.
Hiding behind a wall, peeking out slightly.
_______________________________________
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